


These Stars Will Guide Us

by amczingphil



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Domestic, Established Relationship, M/M, Pining, Stars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-03 06:20:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13335264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amczingphil/pseuds/amczingphil
Summary: Dan knows that for him Phil is his home, but that doesn’t stop him from feeling homesick sometimes. Fortunately when that happens he just has to look up.





	These Stars Will Guide Us

**Author's Note:**

> this was a secret santa gift for @etoilesdephan on tumblr xxx

The first time it had happened, it had been a complete accident. 

Dan was visiting his family for Christmas - something which he felt he should have spent weeks anticipating like Phil did with his festive trip home, but he just couldn't - it was his annual festive tradition. The week leading up to his trip home, he had spent sulking in whichever room Phil was in, it wasn't Dan’s fault that he wanted to be stroppy but also he wanted be near Phil. He had even made a point of sighing dramatically every so often in the hopes that Phil would change his mind and suggest that they spend Christmas together for the first time, but the suggestion never came and Dan couldn't be the one to bring it up. Not when he knew how much Phil loved going to his parents’ for Christmas. 

Dan understood. He had met Phil’s family many times and he could honestly say that he would never pass up on an opportunity to see them, so he got why Phil was so eager to go up North, he just didn't quite understand why he felt as though he was obligated to go and visit his own family. 

Maybe Dan was just feeling guilty that he always left visits until the last possible moment and so he rarely saw his family, or maybe the thought of being in the flat without Phil was worse than going to his parents’ house. At least Colin would be available for cuddles at his parents’. If he stayed in his and Phil’s home then there would be no one, he would be completely alone. 

The problem was that there was nothing to do at his parents’ except for plaster on a fake smile and say the same thing to the various relatives who weren’t sure what his job entailed but thought that maybe it had something to do with porn: “it’s all modern, you wouldn't understand,” and they would nod their heads and accept that, making Dan feel that they just didn't really care enough to try to understand. 

So after the third day of evading questions and answering with the things his family wanted to hear rather than the truth, Dan had had enough. He crept out the back door while his family laughed together at some Christmas Eve comedy show, wondering why he didn't even care that he hadn't been asked to join them. It was all too reminiscent of the days that he had spent in his bedroom as a teenager fighting his own mind because he didn't know how to ask for help and he couldn't sit among them and pretend that everything was fine. He just needed out of the place. 

Dan left through the back gate, making sure to close it behind him so Colin couldn't escape and give him another reason to feel out of place in his family as the fingers would be pointed in blame at him.

He pulled his phone out from his pocket and momentarily cursed himself for not taking the time to grab a thicker coat or a pair of gloves as he struggled to unlock it with already numb fingers. He just needed to send one text, that was all, his fingers just had to behave for a minute.

**Dan:** busy? 

He wandered along the pavement for a while, Phil would either send him a quick text saying he was busy in a few moments or he would call meaning that he was free for as long as Dan needed him. 

Dan had only made it halfway down the street before his phone blared far too loudly in the silence of the night.

“Do you think the automatic plant waterer we bought is reliable?” Phil asked instantly as though he just knew that Dan needed a distraction. 

“I doubt it, we’re either going to go back to them all dried out and flaky or our entire flat will be flooded with water,” Dan said. 

“I don’t think we put enough water in it to flood the flat,” Phil said with a snort that made Dan imagine the exact look of ‘you’re an idiot but I love you’ that would be surely plastered on Phil’s face. 

“Never underestimate the power of an eBay plant waterer,” Dan warned. 

“I told you we should have gone to the flower shop around the corner,”

“Yeah, and I said it was a waste of sixty quid,” Dan said.

“Alright then, Mr Support Local Businesses,” Phil said and he sounded more amused than Dan thought he had any right to be.

“I’m all for supporting local businesses,” Dan said, “but that wasn't a business it was a scam and you would’ve fallen for it because you’re too nice to refuse.”

“That’s not true,” Phil protested, “I’m good at saying no to people when I want to.”

“Give me one example from the last year,” Dan said and he waited through the silence for a few moments, “I thought so.”

“Alright,  _ maybe  _ I don't stand up for myself enough, but I stand up for you.”

“Yeah,” Dan said with a soft smile, “you’re good at that.”

“So, come on then,” Phil said after a few moments of comfortable silence, “what’s up?”

“What makes you think that something is up?” Dan asked evasively, there was definitely something wrong but he just couldn't think of how to word it without sounding like an idiot. 

“I know you, and I know that a one word text usually means you’re upset or about to fall asleep and right now you don't sound very tired,” Phil said, “so what’s bothering you?”

“Where are you?” Dan asked. 

“I’m at my family’s home?” Phil said, the answer coming out as more of a question than anything else. 

“I know that you Spork, I meant where about in the house are you?” Dan asked with a fond laugh that felt almost painful as he thought about how much he wished Phil was walking beside him. 

“I’m outside, in the garden, they were getting a bit loud and I wouldn't have been able to hear you speak,” Phil explained. 

“Oh,” Dan said simply.

Phil was outside too, they were both outside but not together, it was a strange feeling. Dan was far too used to having Phil by his side whenever he left the house; he was good at joking and laughing and thinking of ways to distract Dan from the terrifying knowledge that he was surrounded by far too many people he didn't know.

“Hey,” Phil said gently, almost as though he could read Dan’s mind, “look up.”

“Up?” Dan asked, but even as he questioned it he found himself following the instructions, because he trusted Phil more than he trusted anyone.

“Yeah, can you see the moon?” Phil asked. 

“It’s a full moon,” Dan murmured, “is this your way of telling me that I’m going to be attacked by a werewolf?”

“Shhh,” Phil’s voice broke with giggles that Dan was proud to have caused, “fine, ignore the moon. Look at the stars. I wonder if they’re as clear there as they are here.”

“They’re pretty clear,” Dan said. 

“There’s millions of them, all those little lights glistening in the sky,” Phil said, “you know when I was younger I used to imagine that every star was a different life that I could have lived; on one star I was a magician, on another a singer.”

“You could be, a magician at least, maybe leave the singing in the shower.” Dan said and he couldn't help but smile as he imagined the look of mock indignation that Phil would be sporting after hearing that. 

“Rude.”

“Alright, stars equal different lives. Why are you trying to cause an existential crisis?” Dan wondered. 

“I’m not,” Phil said, “my point is that I can see the stars too right now. We might not be standing beside one another right now, but we’re still close, we can see the same stars in the same sky. So just look up and imagine that I’m looking up beside you.”

There was something peaceful about knowing that despite the distance between them, Phil was staring at the same scene above, maybe if Dan concentrated hard enough he would be able to feel Phil standing next to him, “hey Phil? I love you.”

“I love you too,” Phil said with so much certainty that Dan didn't doubt him for a second. 

It was the start of a tradition. Whenever one of them was away from their home they would call back and talk about the stars and how the fact that they could both see them meant that they were closer than it seemed. It was a comfort that they both needed sometimes, and maybe there was an occasion where Phil called and needed that reassurance, but Dan couldn't see the stars. London was clouded over and a misty drizzle filled the night sky, but that didn't stop him. He told Phil all about the ‘stars’ until he heard Phil’s steady breathing become his only reply as he fell asleep on the phone listening to Dan.

It was their  _ thing _ , their way of acknowledging that they missed each other, their way of telling themselves that it was ok to be homesick - even if their home was a person - because they were closer than it seemed. All they had to do was look up. 

Dan could remember all the years that they would spend wishing that they were together for Christmas, he could remember all the hushed promises of “next year” that they whispered under the stars hundreds of miles apart. He remembered them all as he sat under the stars; Phil’s gloved hand clasped tightly in his own as they sat in the garden together.

Isle of Man stars were brighter than the ones in the city that were often too hard to see from all the light. Dan couldn't believe how lucky he was to be sitting next to the love of his life on Christmas Eve as he listened to the roars of joy coming from the house where someone had obviously won the intense game of ‘ _ Go Fish’  _ that was going on. 

“Hey, Dan,” Phil whispered, “look up.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!! <3
> 
> hmu on tumblr @philscurls


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